Become One Living
Welcome to the BecomeOne Living Podcast. While yoga maybe the entry way into a deeper understanding of self, we invite you to dive even deeper into your practice. Here we will explore the transformative power of yogic philosophy, anatomy, and mindfulness.
In each episode, we embark on a journey through the rich
tapestry of yoga, drawing from various traditions and perspectives. From the ancient
teachings of The Gita to the mystical insights of the Akashic records, we delve
into the timeless wisdom that has guided seekers for centuries.
We bridge the gap between science and spirituality, exploring
the fascinating intersection of neuroscience and anatomy with yoga. Discover
how understanding your body's inner workings can enhance your practice and
overall well-being.
We also explore cutting-edge techniques like Internal Family
Systems and Neurosculpting, offering practical tools for personal growth and
self-discovery. Our goal is to equip you with a holistic toolkit for navigating
the complexities of modern life.
We’ll share our endless hours of study and insights, providing
you with a deeper understanding of yoga's core principles and how they can be
applied in today's world. Whether you're a seasoned practitioner or just
beginning your practice, there's something here for everyone.
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Become One Living
Introduction to Internal Family Systems with Yoga
Calling all parts! This episode we finally get to introduce you to one of the foundational pillars of the in the BecomeOne house. Over a decade ago, during a yoga class, Jody encountered IFS, which resonated deeply with her past of complex traumas. Join us as Jody recounts her path to self-discovery and healing, highlighting the compassionate 'capital S Self' that guided her journey.
Throughout this episode, Jody breaks down the principles of IFS therapy, underscoring the importance of forging relationships with all parts of oneself. We navigate through the complex web of proactive managers and reactive firefighters within our internal systems. Jody eloquently shares how these survival mechanisms are not personal failings but essential parts of our psyche. By integrating IFS and yoga, she demonstrates how acknowledging and conversing with our emotions can lead to profound relief and understanding.
In our conversation, we delve into the broader themes of self-acceptance and the necessity of professional guidance in this journey. Jody touches on the interplay between spirituality, religion, and self-awareness, drawing wisdom from sources like the Bhagavad Gita and Buddhism. She emphasizes the need to move beyond shame and guilt to live a more inspired life. With insights from thought leaders like Dick Schwartz, this episode offers a compassionate and intricate approach to understanding and integrating our inner parts for a more mindful and enlightened existence.
This episode does discuss eating disorders. If you struggle with this, please skip this one for now. If you'd like to know more about IFS without listening, please reach out to us.
We would love to hear from you! Email us at becomeoneliving@gmail.com or reach out to us on Instagram at BecomeOne Living.
Okay, welcome back to Become One Living. My name is Dan Boisets. I'm sitting here with my wife, jodi Dahmerstad-Boisets. Today we're going to talk a little bit about IFS, another piece of work and education Jodi has found by way of her personal journey, anchored in yoga. And IFS, I believe, is like a Buddhist-influenced parts work, a psychological piece psychological piece.
Speaker 2:I'm going to speak about IFS through my lens, meaning the way I've experienced it, what I've learned about it, how I do it and where it weaves through in my life. I found IFS 10 years ago 13?, 10?, I don't even remember, but it was at least 10 years ago and it was introduced in a yoga class where this yoga teacher, Sarah Powers, was talking about parts. You have this part, you have that part. There's a part and it struck such a chord with me because when I was in treatment I had an addiction. I was bulimic, had bulimic food, alcohol. I have an addictive part. That's what we would say in IFS.
Speaker 2:In my 20s I was in treatment for a couple months and at treatment they wanted me to say I had a disease and I was never going to be healed, and it did not feel right, you didn't buy it. Then no, I said I stood up and I was. I got punished a lot of times in treatment because I would argue this point that I don't have a disease, a dis-ease, I don't know how to deal with life. I eat a lot to not feel, I drink to not feel. I used TV to numb, I used over-exercising to run away. So I was really aware when I was younger that I did things to not feel or to keep me going.
Speaker 1:But IFS really appealed to you versus. You did try some of the other modalities like anonymous programs. Yes, and that didn't really resonate with you. You finally came across something that supported you in terms of your approach to life or your life, of your understanding of yourself.
Speaker 2:Yes, what drew me to get trained in IFS and study IFS was I would behave in ways that blew my mind and, yes, I had a brain tumor. So later on in life some of those behaviors were from the brain tumor but others were mine. I had a rageful part when I was younger. I would fight anyone. I had a depressed part, a scared part, and what we mean by parts are, when something happens and you can't regulate it, similar to stress and trauma. A part comes in to take over, comes in to take over.
Speaker 2:And this part becomes what we call burdened with a job to try and keep you safe. I have if you listen to the podcast you may hear it once or twice a very intellectual part. That part kept me safe. So when I was in treatment I was told you better get dumb quick because you hide behind books and quotes. So an intellectual part that I love reading and learning that could cover up a deep wound of feeling stupid or unlovable.
Speaker 1:Right, okay, so you embark on this journey, you go through training.
Speaker 2:I went through training and I use it in yoga. What I love as we settle into this conversation and my parts back out a little, that's what I love about this. It has a lot to do with yoga and being present. The goal of IFS is eventually to sit in capital S self and self is compassionate. Self has attributes Compassion, clarity, connection, confidence, courage.
Speaker 1:Capital S self would be like a truer self or a truer nature Jodi self versus a lowercase self that might be more considered like ego.
Speaker 2:Yes, if we were talking yoga. Yes, and that ego would be a part. If a part comes in, that's lower self, that is manipulating the situation so that I feel safe. And what does that mean? Feel safe? So I never have to feel humiliated again, so I never have to feel exiled again.
Speaker 1:Shamed.
Speaker 2:Yes, shame. So there's two different types of parts. I had a lot of firefighters. Firefighters were reactive. They're reactive, they come in, they get it done and they leave, and they don't care what damage occurred. So addiction is a firefighter, so drinking.
Speaker 1:That's really cool to know, boy. I'm trying to unpack that. It's like a part of them. It's just a part, but not earning it a part of them, but not earning it.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, yes, yes. When you were thinking for a moment, I came to this. When me and Dan get into an argument or a disagreement because we don't really argue, but when we disagree I will say my part's upset, like part of me feels upset, part of me feels unheard, part of me is confused, not all of me. That's what I loved about parts work, because when we say I hate you or I can't stand you or you always do this, no, they don't always do that Like are you sure they always do that?
Speaker 1:Is that really the truth? And without this understanding and breaking it down, if you say those words to somebody, I hate you. It feels pretty comprehensive and pretty much end of game.
Speaker 2:Yes, and it's what we call. Another word we use is blended. You become the hatred and it rises, and this is where spirituality and neuroscience comes in. So stay with me when you're blended, you're no longer witnessing in the prefrontal cortex what's happening. You're limbic and you're becoming it. So I would become the hulk and I want to smash things.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:That's blended.
Speaker 1:So the rage, I feel it. So you can't really think coherently or presently, or mindful. You're not being mindful when you're blended. No, you can. It's a red zone.
Speaker 2:Yes, blended think limbic system, and we've spoken about this in other podcasts. But the limbic system, or the sympathetic nervous system, is fight or flight. So if I'm in fight or flight, you ain't going to talk me down. You know, when someone says just calm down, just calm down, that person's blended, they can't calm down, they're in the sympathetic nervous system, which means its job is reacting. Its job is not to calm down, so to unblend.
Speaker 2:if you simply say wow, part of me feels hatred, right now you now move to the prefrontal cortex, where compassion actually exists and logic and reasoning, and you become unblended. You get space from those parts. It changed my life in offering myself compassion.
Speaker 1:And to others that you're interacting with too, because if you say, a part of me is really hating you right now, it's so much different than I hate you. Yeah, there's a part of me, and then that helps me begin to get even clearer. It's like a part of me, isn't it? Maybe it's not hating. A part of me is disappointed in what just happened five minutes ago, and maybe we can figure this out, as opposed to I hate you yes and look at the ownership.
Speaker 2:To pause one moment, I'm only sharing beginning introductory attributes, concepts of this. We're going to do multiple podcasts with a deeper discussion. I want to invite you to do this After you listen to this podcast for the next week or so. Speak in parts. Speak in parts In our teacher trainings. I have speak in parts. Speak in parts In our teacher trainings. I have people speak in parts and sometimes someone says a part of me is really mad at you, jodi, and I say okay, let's talk Instead of. I've had some people get aggressive with me and I would not know how to handle it before IFS and now with IFS, I say I see a part of you is upset right now and they can now use their words and say, yeah, part of me is really angry at you, I want to punch you.
Speaker 2:I've had someone tell me that I want to punch you and I'm not reactive because they're saying it's part of them and I know it's not me that that part that wants to hit me is reacting to a vulnerable part. It's protecting them.
Speaker 1:Wow. So you're beginning to unpack with the parts, you're beginning to soften the intensity. Yes, it's wonderful.
Speaker 2:Wow, when I would get triggered by someone, I get triggered, I back out and I ask what part is here? That's yoga? Yoga in the yamas and the niyamas is inquiry. I inquire, inquiring. Is prefrontal cortex, the neocortex In that part of the brain is where the parasympathetic nervous system, the calming down, can happen, and I get to see multiple possibilities and I get to see with clarity that I am being triggered and these parts are coming to defend and protect me from feeling vulnerable and sad and pain that I felt, which usually starts in childhood.
Speaker 1:Yeah, immediately. I'm feeling the need to share because my journey with you I've heard this a few times come up, where I think it's important to note to audience that, if this is appealing to you, that Jodi has entered a whole, not other piece of world, it's a whole world, right? So to co-opt or start to blame other people or ask other people about, well, that's your part and this is my part and part, like that's just the very tip of the iceberg of this very beautifully woven tapestry and again, a complex breakdown of a psychology of somebody, right? So it's nothing to like play with, it's, it's, it's, it's.
Speaker 2:This is serious, yeah dick schwartz created ifs and there was a man who passed named derrick scott and he offered a beautiful YouTube video about people taking this practice and forcing people to an exile. Now, what's an exile? An exile is a part of you that is deeply, deeply protected for a very important reason, which could be one that was abused, one that was neglected, one that was hurt so badly. It's exiled and it's hiding, but it's protected by your system. And what's happening and this is neurological also Also in IFS in yoga, in potty work, in everything.
Speaker 2:Dan and I do we're not trying to get to something bypass everything else to fix you so you can go living the same life you've lived and the same lifestyle. The goal of IFS is to build a relationship with yourself and all your parts, and you have to get permission from certain parts to actually get to the other parts. You can't bypass or your system could be re-triggered. And people have come back and said well, I drank more and I ate more. If you force yourself in this practice, it could be harming, it could be very harming, and we learned that so much that IFS is really 80% of me managing my parts and 20% of supporting you in the session.
Speaker 1:I'm managing my parts On the practitioner's behalf. Right, yes, right, right yeah, wow.
Speaker 2:And even when I, just before I shared this, I checked in like what part is here? I have an excited part, if you can all hear that. It's like I want to share. I want to share and I have to say, hey, joe, we know you're really excited about this, but let's take a breath, ask excitement to just sit with me so I can slow down and let self connect to you, dan, and the listeners to share that. That's why this is spiritual, in the sense of it's looking to bring you back to wholeness.
Speaker 1:Back to capital S self. Yeah, which spirituality in its purest form is about that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, IFS allowed me to feel okay with me. I had so much shame about being bulimic, about lying, about overeating, about. I used to throw up on the side of the road and in garbage bags when I was sick or drink a bottle of wine and go teach yoga. I was blended and I was using these things. I had such a shame. And then I had other situations that happened that brought shame and trauma and post-traumatic stress, and even after brain surgery I was ashamed that I was going to be at a mental deficit. I was so afraid that I wasn't going to be able to function. And what IFS did? It allowed me to understand that my system is just trying to survive. I'm not a bad person. You're not a bad person If you're listening to this and you drink or you use drugs or you yell at people.
Speaker 1:Anything overlie anything.
Speaker 2:You're not bad. That part is trying to keep you alive. It's a survival mechanism in us. And IFS allowed me to say you know what Bulimia was my best friend, it kept me alive. Learning look at what learning did for me. That was an addiction. I learned things, I studied things. I was so intense. But all that education look at where I am now these things just try to help you survive. And when I work with people, what the gift is, when I look at them and they share these things and I say it's just a part of you. That's it. It's only a part.
Speaker 1:Immediately, you give them some relief.
Speaker 2:And not I can't minimize what they feel.
Speaker 1:Sure.
Speaker 2:But I could share with them that, hey, we're connected and if you're human, you will misbehave, or I like to say misalign. In yoga we become misaligned, but those misalignments and these parts, they're there. So you never have to feel what you felt when you felt so alone, maybe crying in your crib. You just wanted your diaper changed. And I'm not going back and I'm not a person who looks for blame. I'm not blaming parents, I'm not blaming teachers, I'm not blaming ex-boyfriends. I'm saying that when we're young, this is where our parts manifest, because we don't have logic and skill sets to think otherwise. And what happens is when we don't get our needs met, we blame ourselves. If our parent behaves a certain way, we blame ourselves. We can't blame them, because then who would take care of us? Right? You can't bite the hand that feeds you. So a lot of these parts start younger.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I wish that I could remember when you took me there. My resistance was down, we were going to bed and you started to ask me questions about my childhood and you took me right into there so easily because I wasn't well. First of all, I wasn't expecting it, I didn't know what you were doing, right, but it was such a great method because all of a sudden, I was beginning to understand some operational faults or shortcomings that I have that are driven by parts from when I was younger than 10 years old.
Speaker 2:Yeah, A manager and a protector. So managers are more proactive. So you have protectors and there's two categories Managers they're proactive, like people pleasers. They don't want anyone upset or caretakers.
Speaker 1:They're managers.
Speaker 2:Firefighters are reactive they come in, they take it out.
Speaker 1:Knock down the door.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and they leave a mess and they don't care.
Speaker 1:I love that, because that's what I would do. I would go in name for it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'd hit it hard right and don't care how I felt after right didn't care what I looked like, didn't care who I destroyed, I just didn't want to feel that pain. Yeah, and this fits well with the yoga therapy that I teach and dialoguing. How I dialogue is who's here now? What part is here now? And I don't dialogue to get somewhere. That's important. Please hear that when I invite you to be curious, it's not to get somewhere, it's to be with what's here. What's here, what is here right now, who is here right now? And I shared I share this with my teacher trainees that if I'm nervous and I'm driving to work, I sit in the car for a moment and I talk to nervousness and I say, hey, what's going on, you know.
Speaker 1:So this mode feels like exclusively the mental piece. There's not a body connection as far as I can tell.
Speaker 2:Yes, it is considered there is somatic IFS, and what I do is pretty much somatic.
Speaker 1:IFS. An added branch, yes, okay.
Speaker 2:Some say IFS is somatic, which means body-related in nature, because pain can be a part, pain is a part. So, if anyone is feeling chronic pain, that's a part that is expressing through pain. So we would want to talk to that part and we feel parts embodied in our bodies.
Speaker 2:That's also somatic. So we would say, oh well, you feel what's here. Now I have belly pain, oh okay, Well, does this belly pain? What's going on? Oh, I want to back up and talking about unconditional positive regard or compassion. Regard or compassion if you don't authentically have your heart open towards a part, you can't release its burden. So I work with people. I worked with someone for a year and I would say how do you feel towards this part? I have compassion, have compassion. Now, my parts detectors are like I don't think you do. I'm like hmm, I'm pretty sure you don't.
Speaker 2:And that's just because parts detectors, that's my job to be able to kind of sniff that out. And it took this person a whole year to realize she was lying. Because we don't want to again, quick fixes. Oh, I read no Bad Parts, which is Dick Schwartz book. It's amazing, get it, no Bad Parts. I read Dick's book and I do IFS on myself and I'm like, wow, you're good, because I still have a practitioner that I work with.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And then they think they know it and they use their own brain to work through it. But your brain is going to try to protect you from meeting the pain and if you don't have a capacity or what we call self-energy, enough self-consciousness, compassion consciousness you can't really hold the pain, you can't really meet a part. So it takes a long time for some people to build a self-to-part relationship yeah, it's, I'm feeling one of those pulls Go ahead.
Speaker 1:No, it's just one of your yoga teachers at some point in time I can't remember which one it was, but it was like what was said was there is no space for shame or guilt on a spiritual journey, right? So, coming back to IFS, it's like if you are cleansing, if you are purifying, if there is something that speaks to you, that's greater than you, which doesn't necessarily have to be, I'm just saying this is our world, is that this is a great modality to get with the parts that feel shame, get with the parts that feel guilty, so that you can work with them and I hate to overuse this word but manage, so that you can step forward and beyond being anchored into shame and guilt, and be a truer self and so a clearer conduit and a more inspirational, and live a more inspired life, just being, just being.
Speaker 2:Mic drop. Should I drop the mic? Yes, yes, all of that. Why, when people say, well, you do so much. No, I don't, I do yoga, okay, the yamas and the niyamas, that's ifs, that's internal family systems, because all I'm doing is asking myself questions and and then I'm building a capacity in my body with my breath, my energy, and I'm being with the horrible person that I was.
Speaker 2:Do you understand, I'm sitting with my ugliness, I am sitting with death and destruction. I'm sitting with vomit. Excuse me not to be gross. I'm trying to make a point that we live in a world that wants to transcend what is here and thinking heaven is better, heaven is on earth, but it's through understanding yourself and your relationship to everything that you get to know who you are. So the more I hate myself, the inner critic we work with all the time. I'm not good enough. The perfectionist is a manager. It has to be perfect Doing this podcast that Jackie and David are producing. Thank them so much. We love you. Indeed, we're blessed, but we just started. If we waited for this to be perfect, it wouldn't happen. That's the manager. It keeps you from feeling rejected or humiliated, and I don't care if you like this or not. I'm sorry, I don't. Part of me doesn't. It's just to discuss and be.
Speaker 1:But and this is our canvas and this is our spiritual journey and one of the authors that I read and actually speaks to me so well, david Hawkins, reminds me there's a sentence in one of his books that says religions were created out of the ingenuity of mankind, and what that said to me was like no matter what religion you draw up, it's a man taking spirituality and creating a life of their own. When we went to Yogaville, there was a big sign right down in Birmingham, virginia.
Speaker 2:Yogaville. Yogaville, virginia, was a big sign right down in Birmingham, virginia, yogaville, yogaville, virginia I don't know what the name is.
Speaker 1:So the first time we went there, somebody gave us a tour and they showed us this banner. That was the entryway into the campus and there was, you know, the symbol for Judaism and all of the religions, so many of the religions, and what pierced my heart was the man pointing to the symbol and saying and that is for the religions that have yet to come.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, the one one yeah.
Speaker 1:Right Now, my family would probably be like you're nuts, what the hell are you talking about?
Speaker 1:They would burn it Right, be like you're nuts. What the hell are you talking about? They would burn it right. But to have the open mind and this, this, this coming back to the ifs is is it's, it's the spirit journey. Is you, you, you, you, you can't forego any of these pieces. You, you can't not do that introspection, that self-study, and say you're spiritual and to get, sometimes, to get to that mindful, that heady place, sometimes you actually need to shake your body out, shake out the whole physical body, to get clear and allow what's to rise to your mind, rather than trying to make up a story as to what's concerning you. When you shake your body out and your defense mechanism of the brain goes away, then you can say like, hey, this happening, that happened to me years ago, that's what's speaking to me right now.
Speaker 2:One of my clients and they know I'm sharing. I ask certain clients if I can share certain things we do, no names.
Speaker 2:I don't want to talk about my clients if they don't know it or say and what this one client in particular does with me is moves, and does IFS with me? That's it moves. And what are the moves? Are they yogic? Sometimes they're a poser too, but they may be wavering, weighing side to side, you know, jostling a little, and by the end of the hour they're like whoa, I don't know what just happened. I feel amazing and I give them homework and they come back and they share oh, this part. I was aware of this part and I was able to be with this part. I was able to speak through parts and Dan brought this up earlier. When I started to look at this, I had so much more compassion for other people because I had a part that hated people for so many reasons. This person's annoying, I hate this person and I hated that part that hated everybody and that judged everybody and I thought, wow, what is this part?
Speaker 1:What is going on here, right, and another idea that David Hawkins puts out there is that this whole world, this entire world that you're perceiving it's not real. You're making it up so you can navigate through your.
Speaker 2:Through your stories that you create Exactly Our parts long to stay in role. So if my part feels I was betrayed, I have a betrayal part, that part that experiences that, if it craves to feel that betrayal, so that it can exist, so I will unconsciously seek people out to betray me, so that part can stay alive and say, oh, dan betrayed me, see, so that if I didn't feel betrayal, stay with me, stay with me here. If I didn't feel betrayal and my nervous system would start to come down, then I would feel brokenhearted from all the pain that I felt. So I stay in betrayal.
Speaker 2:I stay angry. This goes back why I love IFS. It's rooted in the nervous system right when you're in self, you're parasympathetic you're calm, you're resting, you're digesting, you see god, divine, um energy, you see source.
Speaker 2:You feel like dude, me and dan, we're one and the same. Like I see you, you vibe. That's where we want to get. That's the, the witnessing. Like, okay, you're acting like a punk, you know, or you're acting like a butthead right now. Yeah, okay, that's part of them. So the question to ask them is are you okay? Are you okay? What's going on? Right now I do that to this guy, dan, my husband, when he's either really quiet or he sees 10 people a day. I'm like where are you going to work? You've been working from six to like one in the morning. I'm exaggerating a little, but I'm like are you okay? And that's when the answer is it says no, I'm not.
Speaker 2:So when you see someone behaving in a weird way or a reactive way, instead of judging or trying to figure out, get you have a part coming in, psychological, like I know what they're going through. You don't know anything. You don't know, don't assume. Ask are you okay? What's going on?
Speaker 2:That's why I loved IFS. It offered me tenderness and vulnerability and I have built in the past 10 or whatever years doing this, such a capacity to be with my parts without asking them to change. That's really important. Hear that again. You want to build a capacity in yoga, in meditation, in IFS, in life, to be with a partner and not ask them to change. That's why, if you want to teach trauma-informed yoga or yoga for the nervous system, you got to slow it down, my friends. It can't be vinyasa. It's too quick Because people need at some point, some time to marinate with self, to be with self, to stay there and just radiate whatever is here, to be here with and settle in to the moment. So we're not trying to. I just want to say this one more time we want to be with self, to be with self Right To not change self Right, just like change self.
Speaker 2:Right, it's just like, hey, man, I'm here, Let it go. I mean, let go. What Cry Someone's like? If I cry, I won't stop. Good, I'm here with you. Let it roll, let it rip.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this is requires again, requires courage In our current day. It requires resources. As you were completing that, Joe, I was thinking about all of the teachers, and now I'm adding to the images that I have in my mind of Dick Schwartz and your other teachers is that they're really present, they're really anchored, they're really secure in their knowing and that's inspirational. But that's kind of like, if you're doing this work, that's where you're headed, to being okay with this present moment and the present you and your complete capital S self, your truest nature. That's the journey, what all this is about. That's what it's about.
Speaker 2:Being present to the moment to self, whether we like it or not, in neutrality.
Speaker 1:Without judgment.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's even the Gita, the Bhagavad Gita, the Yoga Sutras. All of this comes back, even Buddhism. The idea is, how do I stay neutral, not numb neutral, even though I'm feeling all these feels, and not judge and try to stop it, fix it or change it? It's life's unfolding. How do I be with that? And last piece, to wrap up we're an organism. We can't remove ourselves from nature. The only thing constant is change, and so IFS, to me, is a beautiful way that adds compassion, complexity, because the mind loves thinking right, so you get to think about the parts and then we teach you not to think about them but to feel the parts, and brings you back to wholeness in another way, and we'll talk more about this in depth. Of course, we will.
Speaker 2:Thank you and questions again. You want to know more about IFS. I know IFS therapists. I'm a practitioner. I do sessions with people. I know other people that do them too. If you need support, reach out or go on the website IFS Institute, find a therapist or a practitioner there and email us if you have any questions or comments. Becomeoneliving at gmailcom.
