Become One Living

Study of Self: Diving into the Yamas

• Jody & Dan • Episode 4

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In today's episode we will be diving into the Yamas.  This episode guides you through the practical philosophy of the Yamas, the moral compass of yoga. We take a deep dive into these behavioral observances, offering insights on how they influence our interactions with others and ourselves. We discuss how adopting these guidelines can lead to personal growth and a shift in our reactions to difficult situations.

From philosophy to practice, we also explore our inherent fear of the unknown and how to capitalize on it. We offer effective strategies for breaking out of your comfort zone, fostering authenticity, and redefining habits in a way that truly serves you. Learn how to pause, reflect, and inquire before you act, using yoga as a launchpad for this profound personal transformation. We discuss the vital role of moderation in our journey and how understanding our actions in the context of greed and restraint can lead to a more harmonious interaction with the world. This journey is about more than yoga—it’s about living a life that is authentic, conscious, and deeply fulfilling.

We would love to hear from you! Email us at becomeoneliving@gmail.com or reach out to us on Instagram at BecomeOne Living.

Dan:

Welcome back to Become One Living. I'm here with my wife, Jody.

Jody:

Hello.

Dan:

A little stronger Hello.

Jody:

I'm so happy to be back.

Dan:

Yeah, it's fun.

Jody:

It is, and today we're going to dive into the Neyamas. No, the Yamas.

Dan:

Oh, the Yamas, yes, the first limb.

Jody:

Okay, is that okay, dan? Sure, great Become One Living podcast offers tools for living consciously and creating permanent change. We do this with all different modalities we use, Dan and I, and today we're sharing the first limb of the eight limb path, called a Yama. In our last podcast, we shared on how yoga is a complete system and that there's these eight limbs. Today we're diving in. Yama is spelled Y-A-M-A. For our friends who do not know, it's a yoga word and it can be translated as restraints. The idea of a Yama is what not to do, what not to do in the world in relationship with others. I'm not a fan of what not to do, though.

Dan:

Yeah or restraints.

Jody:

Exactly. When I look at the Yamas, I look at them as observances of my own behavior in relationship to someone. I don't want to have to restrain from being violent. I don't want to have to restrain from yelling. If I'm always yelling, I need to get to the root why there's yelling. Does that make sense to you?

Dan:

Absolutely. The reason why someone typically raises their voice is because another participant is not hearing them.

Jody:

Could be, I don't know.

Dan:

So you speak louder.

Jody:

Well, I want to share this quote with my friends your beliefs don't make you a better person. Your behavior does. And the Yamas, to me, are about action and the action you take, because people can say, oh, I do yoga, I'm a yogi, I'm a yogini, and that just means they can say, I practice yoga and you've even seen this in religion. Oh, I'm a religious person, I'm this, I'm that Right, I don't. I'm not sure what those things mean, but then their behavior is completely different of what you would expect. Because yoga is about action and the Yamas give you an opportunity to study your behavior or to watch your actions in the world with other people. These are guidelines for interacting in the external world. If somebody wants to create a big video with their Brazilians, it is always great transformation or create a permanent change. You can't do it just from moving the body. So one of the limbs is asana. You cannot just keep moving your body and moving your body, leaving yoga class and expecting to behave differently.

Jody:

Here's an example we live in New Jersey and we live very close to New York City. It is extremely busy, traffic everywhere and for years I would get on this highway called Route 21 and as soon as it would get busy and turn from four lanes into one lane. I heard me, mother effing, everybody cursing, yelling, screaming. Meanwhile I'm doing yoga 10 years, 15 years. I was on the phone with someone and you know what they said oh my God, are you okay? I forgot they were on the phone and I'm screaming and cursing and yelling. I got off the phone and I was mortified Shame. I felt horrible when I got to work, which was the teach a yoga class. I sat down and I asked myself what am I doing? What am I doing if my yoga practice that I participate in is not altering or impacting me on a deeper level? Why am I even doing it if I'm still a jerk To me? That's what the yamas are about. It's about me and what I bring to the world.

Dan:

Yeah, there are good guidelines to remember, good reflections to our behaviors. The booby trap is you are human and we are all human. I think you referenced I'm not sure I think you referenced church, but that was always an interesting thing to me. Being raised Catholic is that I know what people are like in my life and then on Sunday it's like may peace be with you. And then Monday comes and it's the same old story, which is one of the reasons why I became a Scoopy Doopy. That's why I became a yoga yogi. That's why I became interested in yoga, because there's tools. I never went to church In my particular church I'm not saying all churches because I don't know, I only know my limited experience but I never learned all the tools that are offered in the eight limbs of yoga and it starts with these essentials behaviors, outward and inward. But I mean, I don't know anywhere else where this is offered, this comprehensive package, and we're setting the tone with the yamas and the niyamas.

Jody:

And the yamas are actually written into numerous different texts. There's about 60 sightings of different yamas. They're not only in the eight limbs, so in other books about yoga they also have them sprinkled in. In this particular text, in the eight limbs there's five yamas. There's five different things that you could check your behavior against or see your reflection in, and one is non-violence, one is truth, non-stealing, non-clinging, agreed and moderation.

Dan:

All of those are so rich you could dive into any one of those and go so deep. Non-attachment and all of these, by the way, have what I like to say is offer that understanding of a double-edged blade, where it's like, yeah, we can approach it saying, okay, not being attached, but we can also approach it inwardly and say, well, okay, what is my expectation of this? Because sometimes that sets us up for being attached to a certain outcome or a certain offering or a certain result. So all of these are very rich.

Jody:

And then you would actually behave differently. If you wanted the outcome a certain way perhaps you have an agenda you would start to act differently.

Dan:

You may become manipulative.

Jody:

And lying and stealing, and when I started to study these, what I learned was how my lateness impacted other people. When we talk about non-stealing and that example came up, I realized how much my behavior impacts the whole. That's what the Yalmas did for me, because I had an addiction, I was always late or a no-show and I would always lie to cover my addiction. When I was younger, when I started studying this, I realized how my lying, being late or just not showing up, impacted the owners, impacted the students and impacted everyone around me. Even just driving there I would drive on two wheels.

Jody:

I got to go. I would be taking people out. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late, and I would run up the stairs, papers flying out of my bag, running in to teach a yoga class. When I was younger, it was wild, and one time someone said to me I hear you a mile away. I know you're coming when I hear the door open, and I got very offended, though, because of yoga and me wanting to heal. I heard her and I asked myself why am I so loud or violent? The way I walked upstairs it was violent running, bullying myself, rushing there's. These aspects allow us to look at our life and our behavior in a different way, without judgment. This isn't about judging, my friends, please, if you're listening. It's about awareness. Yes, no judging.

Dan:

It truly is about awareness, and awareness comes largely in community. So, jody's offering, you know, my other side of the coin of that offering is being one of, you know, say, 30 students in a class and the class and the teacher says, okay, we're just waiting for one more person, and it's seven minutes after the hour of the start time and you just kind of got to scratch your head and rub your chin and be like, does that person realize that they're one and there's 30 other people that are on time? So if it becomes a ritual for that person of always being late, that's enough of a reflection. That's a great bite for that person to get with. If they can get with that, they perhaps may be maturing. They have that an opportunity to mature and become a more I don't want to say responsible, but accountable, accountable for your actions and then that doesn't hold up the boat, it doesn't hold up the train. Then we can move forward and, have you know, be more productive.

Jody:

In my teacher trainings, if you're new to us, I teach yoga teachers how to teach yoga 200 hour, 300 and soon, yoga therapy training. We are now a yoga therapy school. Yeah, 20, almost 30 years later.

Dan:

Yeah.

Jody:

And I share with my students Honestly that lateness will not be tolerated.

Dan:

From experience.

Jody:

From experience. When I was in my 20s a little punk, I say I was I rolled up to class about three, five minutes late with a gallon of water in my hand. I used to be a bodybuilder. That is a whole nother episode with pictures. Somehow we'd have to show you pictures. Anyway, about 20 something years ago, I roll up late and the doors locked and I lift up on my tippy toes and I look in and I saw my teacher. He was about five, four, my teacher and big personality. He shook his head and I tapped on the window again. He opened the door and he said go home and don't come back late and don't ever come back with water. And I just stood outside the door. I was in shock that someone would talk to me like that. And then he was assigned to be my mentor.

Dan:

Lucky him.

Jody:

Thank you. And I met him at Starbucks and said to him yo, what's the deal? That's rude. And he explained to me the yamas and stealing. But he also said something about discipline and he said if you want to be here and you want to change and you're serious, you're going to show up on time and if you're not, you're not allowed in my room. And it's not personal. That changed my life in that moment, because throughout my life there are many things that hit me, that struck my heart. But he explained to me that if I'm going to show up loosey, goosey and whenever I want, that's how I'm going to take change. That's how I'm going to show up for life, not take it seriously and not have accountability and think I could do whatever I want. And because of that I share with my teacher trainees that lateness is not tolerated because it's just not them. They're impacting.

Jody:

We need to learn the world. May the world learn how the littlest thing they do ripples out and impacts the whole.

Dan:

Every action, every thought, every word spoken ripples on and on.

Jody:

Non-violence also is not just physical violence. In yoga, people will use this word called ahimsa and talk about food and eating and veganism. I'm not going to go that way. I want to talk about your violent thoughts about people and your words. When you gossip, that's violent. When you say bad things about people, that's violent. And when you do it to yourself, that's violent. I'm not good enough, I'm a loser. Even if you think it's joking, you are putting that out there, teaching people unconsciously how to treat you. Violence, stealing truth.

Dan:

Yeah, stealing Stealing people's energy, stealing people's resources, stealing people's time are all you know. They're not nice, they're not thoughtful and hopefully, as we move on, you'll realize all of the awareness that's created brings you more present and so that you can have the reflections and address, not beat yourself up, but just simply be more mature in your presence and in your offering and in your relationships. It makes life sweeter and it reduces greatly the tension and anxiety and stress.

Jody:

As you were sharing.

Jody:

I was thinking about neuroscience and neurology, about this If you're violent, you're in fight or flight.

Jody:

If you're saying I can't do this or I don't want to deal with this, you're technically saying I'm afraid of that or I hate that and I'm going to fight that. Now, as you're saying these things internally, or maybe not even out loud, but it's happening, your actions, your brain now goes into fight or flight. You start to release adrenaline and or cortisol to help you deal with these situations that don't really even need to be dealt with on that hypervigilant or defensive manner. When you're in that state, my friends, you will never be able to experience compassion, peace, calmness, love or and to me, the most important you will not be able to witness your own behavior, because your body is in a mode of fight or flight and when it's in that mode, the resources and the blood flow that you have Is used to get you prepared for a rumble, because they're used for that. You don't have blood flow and resources to the front of the brain where love, compassion, curiosity and witness abide and live.

Dan:

And the ability to say no and mean it yes, from this.

Jody:

In yoga there's a book we've mentioned. We haven't dove into yet, that's coming the yoga sutras. It says if you do the eight limbs of yoga, you get to abide in your true nature. Our true nature, or our essence, when it's all boiled down, is peacefulness, is love and Peacefulness, like vulnerability, are so powerful, right, it's easy.

Dan:

Or people can be quick to say, okay, non-stealing, not this, not that, and go absolute and go absolute and say, well, they're saying not to do this, I'm not gonna do that at all. What I want, to the point that I want to make, is that all of these things you have to use, become sensitive to you, has to use, you have to use finesse, you have to use just the right amount. There has to be just enoughness. There has to be just enough, just like an asana. How much do I, how much do I fold forward? Well, just enough for that moment, for that day, for that, that practice of the day.

Dan:

And and that's how all of my approach to all of these things are in the right time, in the right moment, for the right person, with the right relationship, with anything, whether it's the chicken I'm cooking or being on the road or with Joe, you know. So I mean I, I'm curious, because there's always someone who's, who's wanting to take that so fully to, to to pin, pin the dial, pin the dial. And what I'm suggesting is just Take it in and, just like the reflections in your life, take them in Easily, gracefully take them in and and help yourself get to know yourself. Everything that happens to you, everything you experience, all of your relationships Ideally help you grow.

Jody:

Our brain is wired To feel scared when something is unfamiliar to us, so sometimes that could be why someone pins it all one way. For me, that's how I rolled for years. Right, it was either I'm gonna Brush my teeth or I'm not gonna brush my teeth. I know that's simple, but that's kind of how it went either I'm gonna do this all the way or I'm not gonna do this.

Jody:

I lived for years in addiction and that polarity and when I did that dance back and forth, I realized, well, this isn't helpful, because I'm doing the same thing over and over again, just the extreme and it wasn't authentic. So what I'm hearing from you is we have to take these things and Authentically use them and make them ours, not where we're just doing habits of I'm not going to kill a bug, I'm not going to the, instead of feeling in the moment, what's the need here? Because, listen, if a big bugs coming at me, I'm gonna. I might hurt it I mean, it depends on the size of the bug right, and and then not abuse ourselves for these things, because we're human sure.

Dan:

So much of this is almost like to me is like rediscovering. It's almost like you, your body and your mind and your soul. It's like buying a new body, mind and soul. It's like buying a new car you know, test driving it, seeing how it rides. It's we.

Dan:

We have, over and over and over again, opportunities to rediscover ourselves and, and you know, one of Jody's favorite movies for for a flash in time was the crudes and the crudes. It was like the dad, there were cavemen, family and the, the. The crudes, essentially, was like anything outside the cave, bad Inside the cave, good right, we are in a time in our evolution that we have great opportunities to experience more, more than just on and off, and that's what this makes me think of. We have that potential now, because of the development of the front of the brain, that we can make better choices or Remove ourselves from situations that are threatening, you know, just because somebody confronts you. That's. That's like like a guy. It's like okay, say, well, now I now, now I'm being challenged, so I got to like act on this. Well, no, actually you can say no and turn around and not not engage.

Jody:

So the yamas are just the beginning of yoga in a lot of the texts, because they said in the text and I believe this to some degree that if you don't study your behavior in your relationship with the world, then you take it on to the mat anyway, and you can be Enhancing that negative behavior with self if you're always bullying yourself in the world. I have to do this, I got to do that. I'm not doing enough. Now you get on the mat and you're gonna bully yourself into Asana, into these postures, and perhaps even bully yourself to breathe. For example, when you hear Darth Vader in class and I share with them that's a little aggressive.

Jody:

My friends and I explain why we want to tone down the breath, because we don't want to agitate the system with the yamas. Something that stands out to me is I have been in the yoga world a very long time, and I have met many mean, nasty, backstabbing, front-stabbing people saying I'm a yogi kumbaya and let's chant om together, and I'm not saying I don't have all those traits, I'm human. What I am saying, though, is those same people keep Living that way, and people allow them to behave that way, no change, no change, no transformation.

Jody:

If you do not ask yourself what is my part in this, then what are you doing? How can you say you practice yoga and consciousness if, if you are not checking yourself? One of the things that I share with my students and I hope you all hear this is Every day I ask myself Did I harm someone? Did I say something not cool? What is my part in my day if it was crappy or even if it was good? Please, my friends listening, ask yourself who showed up today, what is my behavior? Behavior because someone told me when I walk in a room, people would be afraid of me. And I thought, well, why and I look in the mirror and I know why I was intimidating and there was a part that wanted people to be afraid of me as a Defense mechanism, because I was afraid of vulnerability Years and years ago. And when I heard that, I thought I want to walk in and bring love.

Jody:

I Know, I know some of you may think that sounds corny and I'm not saying kumbaya love. I'm saying I want to bring peace in the room.

Jody:

I want to be that person that transmutes that darkness into Connectedness. I don't want to be intimidating and creative division between people and, and that is why we wanted to talk about this and Wanted to share this. What your beliefs are mean nothing. It's your actions, and so are your actions Violent in some way. Are they not truthful? Are they? Are you stealing? Are you greedy and Do you take in Access? Access? Do you engage in?

Dan:

Do you lack a sense of enoughness?

Jody:

Yes, yeah one is Brahmacharya, which is Moderation. They used to use it as celibacy Because yoga was really for young men. I many, many years ago.

Dan:

It was a spiritual path, a pure spiritual path, but the tools also are great for commoners like me.

Jody:

Brahmacharya. It means moderation. So the questions that you ask yourself are about your actions. And am I greedy? Am I taking in too much food TV people places? Am I spending too much? Where is the moderation? Are my behaviors expanding and adding to my life, or are my behaviors draining, contracting and draining my life? Do you have any final thought, dan, on the yamas and this outer engagement with the world?

Dan:

I'm thinking.

Jody:

How does everyone feel about silence, right? Well, that's another part of yoga, yeah, taking that moment to pause before you decide to act, before you decide to speak, tapping in and pausing. May you pause and ask yourself why am I doing this? How am I doing this? Who is even doing this? And add this little piece on to your yoga practice the first limb of eights, yama. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you, become one. Living at gmailcom. If you want to drop us a line, a comment, a question, we'd love that.

Jody:

Thank you.

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Dan Boisits

Co-host
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Jody Domerstad-Boisits

Co-host